Pot Pie Taste Fest 2016

I don’t quite recall when it happened. I don’t quite recall when the thought developed inside my brain. What I do remember is my lifelong love of pot pies.

Whenever it happened, I suppose is irrelevant. What’s important is the why…

My wife decided to head back to California to visit her family for some reason or another. With a week’s freedom, and no food in the house, I had to fend for myself. I drove to the grocery store and walked straight back to the frozen food section. At that point in my life, whenever it was, I didn’t actually feel comfortable cooking for one. Frozen food is, by far, the easiest food to prepare for a single person.

As I perused the frost bitten goods, scanning across a 20 pack of taquitos and Totinos pizza rolls, I found my target: a chicken pot pie.

I reached in, grabbed the Marie Callender’s chicken pot pie and set it gently into the cart. From there I kept on my merry little way, coming across a banquet chicken pot pie…

“Hmmm”, I thought, “which is better?”

I thought that same thought for the three other chicken pot pies I bought that day, and that is the genesis of…

THE POT PIE TASTE FEST!!!

This year, having completely forgotten which brand I thought was best, I decided to do an update of the original idea (plus the wife left for another week). So, let’s get into 2016!

How It Works

I went to the store and bought every single Chicken Pot Pie I could find. I only went for chicken. If there were any beef or turkey or sarsaparilla (not a real thing), I did not pick it up. Also, there was a Lean Cuisine one that had no crust. “NO”, I said, “NOT IN MY HOUSE.”

The pies were all judged based on a few criteria: flakiness of crust, taste, health meter, how it cooked, tag lines and anything else I thought of. Since it is, at it’s most basic, a subjective review of each brand, I did my best to stay consistent with my scoring. I ate one Chicken Pot Pie a night for 5 nights.

Now, without further adieu, let’s get into it

Day 1 – Boston Market  

Tagline(s) “1 Lb of Food per 2 Servings”
Weight: 16 oz.
Calories: 450
Sodium: 680 mg
Time to Cook: 65-70 minutes
Foil the Edges? Yes!

Results:
I’d never had this brand, to be perfectly honest. I’d been to a Boston Market one time, not in Boston, mind you, but in downtown Burbank. I’m not entirely sure it’s something I enjoyed because it’s not something I’m entirely sure I remember.

When I grabbed this one out of the freezer I thought it might be a decent pie, but I was also shocked about the sodium content (spoiler: all of them have huge amounts of sodium).

It didn’t look all that great when it first came out of the box but I kept optimism alive.

After the 65 or so minutes it took to cook, it came out of the oven looking delicious.

I decided to start each pot pie similarly, crack open the crust and mix it into the sauce to give the full effect (and maintain a fragile objectivity). The first thing I noticed was the bounty of corn floating in there.

I have to tell you, I’m not a huge fan of LOOKING at corn. I like the taste of it, I like eating it, but there’s something about seeing corn in a food dish that looks nasty. Anyway, I took the first bite and it was really good. There was a lot of corn in that first and second and last bite. The crust had a nice flakiness to it, the sauce was great (and corn chowder-ish), and it had a good amount of chicken.

Drink of Choice: Golden Road 329 Lager – Days of Summer
Overall: 8/10

Day 2 – Stouffer’s

Tagline(s) “Product of Canada”; “Satisfying Servings”
Weight: 16 oz.
Calories: 570
Sodium: 810 mg
Time to Cook: 65-70 minutes
Foil the Edges? Yes!

Results:
My first thought of Stouffer’s is: “They have the BEST macaroni and cheese”. With that thought in mind, I thought for sure this would be one of the best. On the back of the box it even asks, “How can so much deliciousness be packed inside this flaky, golden crust?”

I mean, it was good, but the crust wasn’t all that great. It wasn’t super flaky and the dough was kind of doughy. In fact, it was more doughy than it was flaky. The crust had a tendency to stick to the roof of my mouth. Flaky crusts don’t stick to my mouth, dammit! Not here, not now, not EVER!

The taste was pretty good though. I was initially shocked at the higher sodium content than Day 1, but it didn’t taste more salty at all. In fact, other than doughy McDougherton, it was delicious.

Drink of Choice: 7-Up and Jim Beam
Overall: 7/10

Day 3 – Banquet!

Tagline(s) “Made in the USA since 1953”; “Now with 20% More Chicken*” (*1.19 oz of chicken vs previous .98 oz of chicken)
Weight: 7 oz.
Calories: 350
Sodium: 930 mg
Time to Cook: 30-35 minutes
Foil the Edges? NARP!?!

Results:
This guy came out of the box looking pretty generic

It came out of the oven looking pretty generic

Overall, yeah, it was pretty generic. There weren’t a whole helluva lot of vegetables or chicken in it. The chicken that was in there felt like McNugget rejects. The McNuggets that the Quality Assurance guys were like, “this is too dark and too low quality for the high mark we’ve set for McDonalds… send them to Banquet.”

The crust wasn’t too flaky but it did have a nice taste to it. The same went for the sauce contained within. All in all though, it tasted as cheap as it cost.

Drink of Choice: 7-Up and Jim Beam
Overall: 6/10

Day 4 – Marie Callenders!

Tagline(s) “Golden Flaky Crust Made from Scratch”; “From My Kitchen to Yours Since 1948”; “#1 Selling Premium Pot Pie Brand”; “No Preservatives No Artificial Flavors: Marie’s Promise”
Weight: 16 oz.
Calories: 430
Sodium: 750 mg
Time to Cook: 63-65 minutes
Foil the Edges? YARP!?!

Results:
This is the pie that everyone I talked to ahead of time picked to win. If I’d held a poll before I conducted this taste fest, Marie Callender’s would certainly have taken the top spot.

Coming out of the box and out of the oven, there didn’t seem to be anything special about the pie.

Opening it up, I could see the goodness awaiting inside.

The crust was very flaky and tasted good as well. The sauce had an excellent flavor, albeit a little processed. There was a good amount of chicken, peas, carrots, and celery. There was no corn! I think what Marie Callender did was replace any hint of corn with more peas, because there were a ton of peas.

It makes sense that this is the traditional best pot pie, because it is really good. It’s usually the one I go for whenever I stop at the store, so I was happy to see it maintained it’s status in my heart… and my stomach.

Drink of Choice: Aloe Water with Vodka
Overall: 8/10

Day 5 – Blake’s!

Tagline(s) “Made with Garden Vegetables and Flaky Pastry Crust”; “Chicken Raised Without Antibiotics”; “Minimally Processed. No Artificial Ingredients”; “True Comfort. Easy as Pie”; Then an entire essay about why they’re so good.
Weight: 8 oz.
Calories: 370
Sodium: 470 mg
Time to Cook: 63-65 minutes
Foil the Edges? NARP!?!

Results:
This is the last entry! This entry is also a little bit special as it’s the “healthy” option of all five. The back of the box can tell you everything you need to know about just how healthy this option is supposed to be. But I’m not in this event for my health (I got a terrible cold shortly after this. Related? Not sure).

The crust, right out of the box looked like I imagine a pot pie would look if I tried to make it at home. Out of the oven, the crust looked like how I WISH it did if I made it at home.

The crust was super flaky and it was the best of all five pies by far; I ate all of it. The sauce wasn’t as thick as the other pies, but it was decent. I could tell there wasn’t as much sodium in it though (sigh, healthy stuff). There were plenty of vegetables and just the right amount of chicken.

If there is a primary critique of this pot pie, it’s that the crust only covers the top. All of the five, except this one, the crust covered the entire dish, inside and out. It’s not a terrible thing, because the crust was awesome, but it did limit my score on it, overall.

Drink of Choice: Bloody Mary with homemade Bacon Vodka
Overall: 7/10

THE WINNER!?!?!?!

I can tell you who didn’t win: Banquet. I suppose it’s a good pot pie if you have no money and you need to horde your sodium intake for the winter, but other than that, it’s a run of the mill pie. Blake’s is decent and is probably the best option for those health folks out there. I am not one of those health folks, though. Stouffer’s is a solid choice at third place, you can’t go wrong with them (though the mac and cheese is still the best…).

That leaves Marie Callender’s and Boston Market. Here’s where the decision becomes difficult.

Marie Callender’s is the traditional best, and I’ll concede that it remains that way. However, because I wasn’t expecting it to be so good, even with the rampant images of corn fluttering past my eyes, Boston Market takes the top prize.

To caveat for those folks who might not like corn that much… just go Marie Callender’s, you’ll like that the best still!

Epilogue

Thank you so much for reading this and taking this journey with me! What are your thoughts about the pot pie choices? Do you think I made a mistake? Is there anything else you think I should’ve added or checked for? Let us know below in the comments or on Twitter at @Apathusiast or on email, at ApatheticEnthusiasmShow@gmail.com.